Sleep deprivation is something you just have to learn to deal with. As I told my friend Rachel today, it’s not that I’m not getting 7-8 hours of sleep at night, it’s that the sleep is divided up into small increments that screw with your internal clock and make you wish you were dead. Maurice came up at 2:30am this morning with a small bundle of not so happy-happy-joy-joy. She wasn’t fussy. She wasn’t even pissed off at the world. She simply was wide awake and would not allow anyone to put her down. I was up until 3:30am trying to get her to go to sleep. Yeah, that whole daytime vs. nighttime thing can’t happen fast enough if you ask me. Miss Fussybritches was fine all day today until about 5pm, when she did the same wakefulness routine.  I certainly hope she figures this stuff out soon, because when she wakes up every 3-4 hours overnight and keeps me up during the daytime it doesn’t really work out for either of us, since I’m about ready to pass out when Maurice rambles home from the office. The miracle blanket arrived tonight though, so we’ll see how that works out

The child may happen to sleep longer hours in a single stretch; however, I am still tied to my 3-4 hour pumping schedule to keep up her supply of breast milk. I think with her growing appetite that we may be forced to stop the pumping routine sooner rather than later. It will get to a point very soon where I will only be able to provide her maybe 3-4 feedings a day. Oh well… at least I gave it my all given the medical issues we’ve faced with breastfeeding.

Our friends, Charlie and Alison (the blanket in the picture was handmade by Alison!)

Mommies get to snuggle too

Pretty Olivia in another one of her cute outfits!

In other news, I landed two A’s in my graduate courses this summer. I’m quite smitten with myself, as I worked really hard to get that done!

There’s a list of things that Maurice and I wish we had purchased before Olivia arrived. They were things we laughed off or tried to skimp on to save a buck, because we either felt they were silly or totally unnecessary. I’d like to retract those sentiments now, as we have found ourselves rushing out and purchasing a plethora of baby items in the past two weeks to solve life’s little problems:

•  The Miracle Blanket: Olivia squirmed so much inutero that we figured she wouldn’t be much of a fan of the swaddling. She also enjoys breaking out of any swaddle we put her in, but those are with the smaller receiving blankets. She busts out and sleeps with her arms flung out to her sides. The SwaddleMe is ok, but it isn’t tight enough for Olivia and makes her frustrated. The Miracle Blanket, recommended by a good friend, is much nicer.
• An infant swing: Another friend gave us a used swing, which is awesome, but it doesn’t recline far back enough for a newborn. Olivia kept slumping down in the swing and could not be comforted by it. Instead, we purchased a friend’s Papsayan swing. It reclines back into a cradle position, which makes Olivia feel very comfortable and cuddled. Since she’s a cuddle bunny, this was an important purchase.
• Slow Flow Nipples: Yeah, the “Rapide” at the bottom of my Playtex nipples means “LAWLZ incoming wormhole!”Not good for a newborn who can’t yet control the flow of formula or milk from a bottle.
• Plastic Sheets: Not only do newborns projectile vomit, they also projectile poop. I kid you not, she farted and it shot across the changing table and onto our white walls last night. I laughed so hard… if it weren’t for her squirming with satisfaction on the changing table, I would have taken a picture of the poop sliding down the wall. Sadly, I needed to actually clean it up before it hit the carpet. We now have plastic sheets up on the walls around the changing table…
• Bottle Dish Station: We wash bottles so often that a dishwasher run isn’t in the cards everytime we need to clean them, so we ran out and picked up a bottle station that lets you hang bottles on it to dry in the open air. It also helped organize our kitchen area dedicated to Olivia.
• Baby Carrier: Olivia is such a cuddler, that this is priceless. I still owe my friend money for it, but we’ve been using it a little to help get things done around the house when Olivia is active but screams if put down. Sometimes babies just want to be cuddled.
• Mylecon Drops: GAS. Babies get gas, imagine that. Our beautiful daughter farts like a man, and oftentimes goes a full 5 minutes without giving us a good burp, so these drops are very helpful in making her more comfortable at night.
• Glass Bottles: Storing pumped breast milk is a must when you’re pumping instead of feeding from the breast. I have been storing day-by-day in glass bottles, which are much easier to heat up than the plastic bottles.
• Bottle Warmer: On that note, Olivia likes her breast milk warm, but her formula at room temperature. We ran out and picked up this gem to help warm up our bottles before giving them to her. It’s much quicker and easier than boiling water in a pot and tossing the bottle in there for a few minutes. This little gem only needs 30 seconds to heat a bottle.

Light update today, as we’re enjoying the last full day together as a family until Maurice goes back to work tomorrow. Maurice held Olivia a bit this afternoon while I ate lunch and prepped her afternoon bottle. I had to post this picture:

In other news, we caved in and got a glider last night. We didn’t think we needed one, because we had all of the swings, bouncers, and other infant gadgetry you could think of. Unfortunately, we underestimated the sheer power of a gentle rocking chair. We were going to snatch up a Cracker Barrel rocker, but Maurice said they looked cheaply made and would have rather had a glider. That led into an evening trip to Babies-r-us, where we plopped down some hard earned cash on a nice glider that would last a few years. Many of the reviews on the cheaper gliders (< $150) were very bad, so we went with a higher quality one. I’d have to say, it’s the best money we’ve spent so far. We feed her in her bedroom at night, rock her to sleep, then carefully walk her to the bassinet in our bedroom. She stays asleep, which is the important thing. Earlier in the week, we ran into the problem of getting her to sleep downstairs only to have her wake up on the way up to the bedroom. The glider helps us relax a bit too, though it’s crowding the heck out of the room. There is practically no floorspace left in it, but that’s ok. When she’s old enough to use the bedroom as a playroom, we’ll move the glider downstairs to the living room.

We have been supplementing formula, specifically Enfamil Lipil, in the evening hours to help Liv (and us) sleep better considering the breastmilk wasn’t coming in enough for me to feed her a full day. I get about 5 feedings of 3oz in a day, but then we must turn to formula since she isn’t getting enough. Well, we had some issues with trying formulas in the past, but this one really caught us off guard the past couple of nights. About 30 minutes after consuming the Enfamil Lipil, Liv would abruptly spew a fountain of formula back into our faces, chests, across the couch, all over herself, and then some. Well, this finally happened to me last night after I diapered her and swaddled her for bed. She looked up at me, grimaced, and then it came forth like the Great Flood. She opened her mouth wide, and a scene similar to that of the Exorcist began to play out. I actually think that moment in my life was played in slow motion just to taunt me with being a new mother. Formula shot — not spittled, not dribbled, not even bubbled — but SHOT out of her mouth at me. I reared back just in time, but unfortunately, my chest became the target and final resting place for my daughter’s dinner that evening. She looked back at me and cooed, then fell asleep.

My first thought? It wasn’t to get a bath drawn or even to get her out of her clothes. It was to stand in the hallway drenching, laughing my ass off, and calling for Maurice to get the camera. All hail the camera! Behold its mighty power to capture life’s most precious, and hilarious moments (at 3:00am):

Thankfully, we had our 2 week follow up with the pediatrician today. She suggested that we move on to the Enfamil Gentlease formula, which has less lactose and is easier for newborns to digest. Several of our friends have used it, so that’s what we went with. I felt that Soy-based formulas were too new and that the longterm effects of their use were not yet known to risk using it, so we ignored that idea until we discovered if it was true lactose intolerance or not. Liv is growing very well though. She is a hearty 8 pounds now, so she has regained her birthweight and then some. That’s up 8 oz since her last visit a week ago. She is also 20″ long now, so that’s an extra inch we’ve gained in a week. Newborns grow way too quickly. It’s almost depressing!

In hopes that we can get Liv to wear all of the pretty things that people have bought her, we are going to try to dress her up a lot over the next few weeks before we hit the 10lb mark and can no longer wear size “NB.” Below is a shot of Liv in a cute spring dress from our friend Missy:

As Georgia mentioned, I’ve been able to export and compile three really great videos. I am still impressed by our new video camera, especially when stationary and filming things with lots of colors.

 The first video is of Olivia when she was only 4 hours old! Mommy and Daddy miss this quite, calmer version. Oh well…

This second video is of Olivia’s first bath. I’ll mention here that her reaction hasn’t changed even after her third or fouth baths. <chuckle>

This third video was taken just this afternoon. We tried some tummy time, and then realized we hadn’t used the camera is days. Here was the result…

The days have been getting quieter and quieter as a routine starts to settle in. Well, it’s either a routine or we’re just getting used to having Liv around. On some level, I wish she was a little more interactive. Right now she eats, sleeps, and soils diapers but that’s about it. I realized today that I didn’t have a lot of pictures of me holding my own daughter. We have tons of pictures of everyone else holding her, but not me! Maurice snapped a pretty cute one this afternoon. I was the only one who could get her to pass out today by swaddling her, turning her to her side, and shushing her to sleep. She passed out all nice and curled up in my arms while we watched, you guessed it, more Law and Order. I swear, I don’t think the world could continue rotating around its axis if a Law and Order wasn’t playing in syndication somewhere.

We’re counting down the days when we may be able to see a voluntary, social smile from her. At least then I could know I’d get an emotional response from her. She has taken to staring at us when we feed her a bottle. It’s a very loving “thank you so much for not starving me this week” look. Maurice will hopefully be posting some nice HD video tonight. We have forgotten about the camcorder over the past few days and neglected to post any videos of her.

PS: Woot, I turned in my final exam today as well! Who says you can’t take a full load of graduate school in the summer, go through the final implementation milestone of a AAA game, and have a baby at the same time? Phaw!

Day ten has arrived and our bundle of joy has once again decided to thwart the efforts of mommy and daddy by not allowing them to sleep for longer than an hour at a time. I have found myself glued to the couch in a state of constant cow-dom, mooing incessantly at my husband as he walks by wondering what the hell he can do to help out aside from worrying. Breastmilk does not sit well on my child’s stomach. Instead, it passes right through only to leave her hungry again in a half hour. Not only that, but she has been unable to produce enough poopage to satisfy the doctors and lactation consultants.

The verdict has been passed down to us from the doctors and lactation consultants… (cue Law & Order transition sound)… Olivia must be fed formula in the evenings to resolve her fussiness and lack of sleep. Mommy is apparently inefficient as a producer of milk and should keep to what she does best, programming and making handbags. It turns out that I can only churn out about 16oz a day of milk. Olivia needs at least 24oz a day to satisfy her at this point. Doing the math, it seems as if Mommy just can’t produce what she needs. I’m still trying my hardest and pumping furiously with a hospital grade pump, because I want her to have the benefits of the milk regardless of the delivery method used, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like a complete failure as a mother. I don’t normally fail at the things I set out to do, but I suppose I don’t have much control over my own body. I could place blame on a number of factors that led up to this point (not latching on after delivery, nurses neglecting to tell me there was a pump in my room and I should have started using it right when I got in there, no lactation consultants in the hospital on Sundays, lack of sleep, stress of being a first-time mother, etc.) but it won’t help anything. I guess what really kills me is that no matter what I do, I simply won’t be able to provide the nutrition she needs. We’re just going to do what Danielle and others have suggested, which is to spend the daytime hours giving her breastmilk and the evening hours giving her formula. I will continue to pump with a hospital grade pump every 3 hours for as long as my body allows me. The lactation consultant said that if I’m not pumping more by next week then I need to just stop.

Aside from my own self pity, we’re doing quite well. We took Olivia on a little stroll through the neighborhood yesterday to calm all of us down and prepare for a long night of bad television and infomercials. Charlie also dropped by this evening to meet Olivia. She greeted him with a generous fart. Sorry Charlie… she takes after her father

Picture 1: Charlie holding Olivia

Picture 2: Daddy preparing Olivia for a nice stroll through the neighborhood

Picture 3: Daddy needs to have a one-on-one chat with Mr. Daniels this evening it seems…

Ok, sleep… or the lack thereof. Olivia seems to want to be a nightowl and stay up at all hours of the night. Last night it was from 2am until 7am. She would sleep, but only if she was in a cuddled position in her swing or bouncer. Naturally, one of us has to stay up to watch her when she’s in a state like this, because it carries a really bad SIDs risk, especially when she flails about looking for food. One thing I have discovered is that she really does like to sleep with her arms straight out to her sides. Swaddling her just makes her get angry with us or she finds some way to get out of it and fling her arms outward. She also didn’t like her legs being swaddled tightly, so we just loosely cover her legs so she can kick her feet out later at night. In other words, she sleeps like her daddy I’ve got a trick I’m going to try that a friend told me about to see if perhaps the Miracle Blanket would work for us.

The problem we’re facing is that she wants to nurse nonstop now. Either it’s a growth spurt or I’m just not capable of feeding her enough. She seems to want to be held more than anything at night and detects that she’s not being cuddled as soon as she hits the Pack-n-Play mattress. She wiggles around a bit then begins screaming bloody murder. We’re not entirely sure what’s going on there, since she’s fine in her swing or bouncer when we take her downstairs again. She only does this in the late hours. She’s fine in the afternoon, which boggles the heck out of me.

Anyhoo, here’s a picture of Olivia sleeping soundly in the afternoon…

We’ve officially survived our first week as new parents. Lessons learned are as follows:

•  Breastfeeding is hard to get started, but rewarding if you put in the extra effort. Daddy can become involved with the feedings once breastfeeding has been established!
• Breastfed babies poop rarely, but when they do… back up and grab the tongs.
• Gnawing on fists and making piglet grunting noises means “I’m hungry, drop everything you’re doing now, or I swear I’ll make your evening a living hell!”
• You can actually leave your home with an infant in tow. You are not a slave to the house.
• Dads love to change poopy diapers!
• Final exams + baby = tough, but doable
• Last, but not least: TEAMWORK - it takes two to make the baby and two to take care of it!

I only have two pictures today. We really haven’t done much in the past two days other than visited the lactation consultant and had a follow-up appointment with the pediatrician. Thankfully, she has gained 3oz since her last appointment on Wednesday. That means we started doing something right after all! We’ll have her two week appointment next Friday to make sure she’s back up to her birthweight, but as hefty of an eater she is, I don’t think we’ll have any issues with reaching that goal.

The lactation consultant appointment was well worth the money spent on it. It turns out that I had an incorrect latch, which was what was mostly frustrating poor Olivia. We can still use a bottle, but preferably only once a day (that’s Maurice’s time to feed her when I’m asleep) or whenever I cannot satisfy her hunger between big feedings. She seems to like to do this thing where she’ll eat, then need a little top-off about 30 minutes later. Hopefully this will help build my supply so we won’t have any major problems when Maurice goes back to work. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to handle doing everything on my own when he’s not here. Everyone assures me that she’ll be a lot easier to handle after she gets out of this initial newborn period of 2 weeks. Let’s hope they’re right!!!

Here I am holding little miss Olivia yesterday when we got back from our appointment with Dr. Johnson. I thought it was a cute picture, since she had fallen asleep in an adorable little pose.

We purchased a swing from our friends, which has a newborn seat setting. We have another swing from a friend, but it doesn’t lie back far enough to support Olivia’s head and she would fuss whenever she got in it. As soon as Maurice got home from picking this one up, we put her in it and she passed out for 2 hours. Lovely! This swing is in the living room and the other swing is in the basement, so we’ll have a swing on every “active” floor in the house

Today was pretty eventful. Olivia kept us up from 1:30am until 6am with some major colic. I’m not even sure how to describe it outside of that. She was fussy for no apparent reason and feeding her would not calm her down, neither would a diaper change, burping, or a million dollars. Maurice was kind enough to stay up with her since I was running off maybe 1 hour of sleep for the entire day. She projectile vomited, which freaked me out. It was like a scene from the Exorcist!

Today, thankfully, has been much better. We became fed up with the sample bottles I had collected over the past 9 months and purchased our own. This became Olivia’s first big shopping trip outside of the home. Very neat! It was actually easier than I thought. My mother and I picked up the Playtex newborn starter set, which is boasted as having some of the best nipples for breastfeeding moms (yes, I haven’t given up 100% yet…). We also picked up some extra sleepers with the footies at the end. For some reason, she loves those things. I think it makes her feel all warm and cozy

I was greeted with a pleasant surprise this afternoon when she couldn’t be satisfied with her afternoon feeding of breastmilk. I was just starting to pump and my mother said she was still rooting for food. I had her hand her over to me and try to put her to the breast. Surprise surprise, she took it! She stayed latched on for about 15-20 minutes and was sucking/swallowing the entire time. She was very pissed when the milk ran dry so I put her on the other one and BAMMO… she drained that one too. About 30 minutes later she was hungry AGAIN. I take it this is that “cluster feeding” I hear so much about in my research. Needless to say, I have a fine-tuning clinic appointment with a lactation consultant at the hospital tomorrow morning. Today gave me hope… As the venerable Dr. Wickwiky would say “Never give up, never surrender!” — unless you’re trying to store Megatron on ice that is.

Today’s pictures should hopefully satisfy the rabid family members out there unable to see her in person yet:

“I would stay away from the rear if I were you. I’m working on an explosive presentation for my father when he gets home!”

 ”Mr. Gloworm is my bestest friend evar!”

“Peekaboo! I see you!”

And with that, I fly off… Mom’s making dijonaise chicken tonight, which is Maurice’s favorite meal. That should be a treat for him since he spent most of the day packing up my work cubicle for the 3 month maternity stint.